“If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships – the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace.” Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd U.S. President.

In this week’s guest blog, Mr Gracie, Deputy Head of Student Engagement and Welfare, reflects on our commitment to fostering a community that helps every girl develop lasting friendships. He also discusses the resilience needed to manage the ups and downs that come with them.

As someone responsible for the well-being of young people it is both my greatest delight and greatest worry that relationships are so central to our well-being. At BGS we think hard about the ecosystem around our students that allows them to thrive. 

There is much that is controllable, such as setting excellent routines, to bring calm and order; amazing co-curricular opportunities to develop confidence and interest; and caring adults who can support and nurture them. Interpersonal interactions, however, are much trickier to mediate but this is what makes them so beautiful and powerful. I believe that the way friendships are cultivated is very much rooted in the ordinary and every day, and I am passionate that our best pastoral tools must help every student make the most of our wonderful school each day.

Our 5 ways to well-being programme provides a practical and helpful tool for looking at one’s mental health. This includes connecting with others. It is easy to forget as we get older that shared experiences are the root of many friendships. Being in the same club as others, being on a team, in a play cast or being bus buddies are frequent ways that our students tell us they make friends. This is why we have promoted the rich offer of co-curricular clubs with the Clubs Fayre this term to ensure every student gets a variety of experiences. 

Our students’ skills and awareness of others are also impressive. When we present the idea that every girl needs a friend in their year, there is often a healthy challenge. Students remind us that whilst some really value one or two close friends, others find that groups really matter to them. Some have friends across year groups and schools whilst others mainly have friends within school in their year. The students are able recognise and verbalise this. What we will find ourselves doing is helping them realise that there can be complexity or turbulence in their friendship. The powerful programme developed by the educationalist Andrew Hampton, Girls on Board is an extremely useful tool to supplement the way we approach supporting our students with friendships, especially when they become turbulent. We have already had a number of rich learnings as we roll the programme out from Year 3 to Upper Sixth; the shared language for exploring their concerns, helping them gain awareness and empathy as they take time to try to understand one another has been very impactful.

Whilst “get involved” is easy to say to young people, it is hard to do. I wonder how many of us as adults regularly pursue new and interesting things when we may not be sure who is there or what it is going to be like. We work hard on the promotion of opportunities at school, but nothing beats the personal invite. When we role play conversations about inviting others to join in, the complexity around receiving an invite or wording it correctly is greater than we might sometimes think. Students must be vulnerable to open themselves up to new opportunities. But they do it. The courage and resilience of our students in navigating this is amazing and makes me beam with pride. 

It was heart-warming to hear from a parent of a new student at BGS after a couple of weeks that some other students, themselves in a new year, had realised their daughter was also new and invited her to join them at a club. They showed our value of boldness and acted with empathy; it is a sign for me that our ecosystem is healthy and breeding the values we want to see in our students.

I have great hope for students at BGS experiencing many positive and stimulating relationships through their time with us, and for understanding the importance of shared relationships and how to navigate them with empathy. I have more hope than Roosevelt, as I believe that relationships are not just a matter of survival but the premise for thriving and living well.